7 Things to Remember About Sex 0
7 Things to Remember About Sex
It’s no surprise that many husbands and wives think differently about sex. And these differences can easily become a source of conflict in marriage.
With that in mind, I want to suggest seven things men need to remember about sex and seven things wives need to keep in mind as well:
What husbands should remember about sex
1. Hollywood sex is made up. It’s a fantasy. The people in romantic scenes in movies are actors. Don’t try to measure your marital sex against what you see in a romantic film.
2. Sex is probably (but not necessarily) a lower priority for your wife than it is for you. Are you as committed to meeting her non-sexual needs and desires as you’d like her to be with your desire for sex? Could you even name her top three relationship needs? Here is one of them ...
3. Your wife needs a safe and secure relationship. In order for her to engage in sex with heart and mind and body, she needs to know that you will be there for her, that you are committed to her, and that she is your one and only.
4. Your wife wants to have sex with a companion, not with someone who simply shares her mailing address. If you’re not spending time having fun together in all kinds of settings, she’s going to be less motivated to be with you sexually.
5. You don’t need to have an affair to be an unfaithful husband. Whether you look at pornography or at other women, the Bible makes it clear that any lust for a woman who is not your wife is adultery.
6. There is no secret formula to arousal. If you think you have found a secret formula, and you attempt to repeat the recipe, your wife will change the secret. Women don’t want to be figured out. They also don’t want to be manipulated.
7. Your wife is insecure about her physical beauty. She sees all the flaws. Watch what you say to her.
What wives should remember about sex
1. Sex is God’s idea. He created it and gave it as a good gift to husbands and wives in marriage. It is a key part of His plan for how we become one in marriage.
2. For most men, sex is a big deal—and it’s not because men are perverted or ungodly. God delights when a husband and wife enjoy marital intimacy.
3. How you respond to your husband when he initiates sex is critical. To be uninterested can communicate a lack of respect and honor for him. I’m not saying you need to say yes every time he initiates. But when you say no, explain why in a way that still affirms your desire for him.
4. Sex is a marital discipline. It’s a part of how we serve each other in marriage. It is wrong for a wife to use sex as a reward or a lack of sex as punishment. The Bible clearly teaches that husbands and wives are not to deprive each other in this area.
5. Men are visually oriented. No matter how you see yourself, he is stimulated by sight. Again, God is the One who made men with a desire to see women naked. And the only legitimate way for your husband to satisfy this God-given desire is for you to let him see you naked.
6. Men in romance novels and soap operas are made up. The strong, sensitive, caring men portrayed in most romance novels are fictional characters. No husband can live up to the near perfection an author presents.
7. Creativity is good. The Bible says that the marriage bed is undefiled. This means that a husband and wife have freedom to explore what brings them pleasure and enjoyment in the sexual arena of marriage. Neither of you should be pressured to do something you're uncomfortable with in the sexual relationship. But passion can be stirred by variety and creativity in the sexual relationship.
10 Ways to Create a More Romantic Bedroom 0
10 Ways to Create a More Romantic Bedroom
3 Surprising Truths About Losing & Finding True Intimacy 1
3 Surprising Truths About Losing & Finding True Intimacy
God, Marriage, and Addiction 0
Guest article! We'd love to hear your responses!!
Advice for Married Couples: How to Overcome Addiction to Save Your Marriage
My wife and I have been through some pretty tough times together in the last few years. I suffered a difficult injury in a car crash that eventually lead to a painkiller addiction. I found myself acting like a different person and shutting out my wife, not to mention that I was spending our money on drugs. Needless to say I was in a really bad place. Rather than kicking me out, my wife pushed for us to start counseling, and then I sought addiction treatment. It was the best thing I could have done, and I feel so lucky that we were able to save our marriage. I know we are both healthier and happier for it. And even though that rough patch was pretty rocky, I think it shows just how much we love each other that we were able to pick up the pieces and put things back together.
An increasing number of recent studies are finding that there are more physical, mental and emotional health benefits to staying married than we previously realized. While a healthy marriage obviously brings us joy, love and companionship, research has shown that marriage may also improve our physical and mental health. One study showed that married couples often have lower cortisol levels, which indicates a lower level of stress. Lower levels of cortisol have been associated with reduced inflammation, which may help prevent certain diseases.
The results of this study also complement previous social science research, which showed that married couples generally tend to be happier than those who aren’t married. Why were the married couples happier, healthier and less stressed? It is believed that having a supportive spouse to talk to and depend upon during times of stress or crisis can help ease the mind. Additionally, sharing responsibilities like chores, housework and childcare are all helpful in reducing one’s psychological stress.
Marriage can indeed have many benefits on your overall life - but what if you (or your spouse) are struggling with drug or alcohol addiction? This can complicate and even strain the marital relationship. Addiction causes many issues in marriages and other relationships, including but not limited to:
- a higher risk of infidelity
- increase of fraudulent or illegal behaviors
- increased risk of abusive behavior
- increased instance of divorce
- codependence or enabling behavior by the addict’s loved ones
Various studies have shown that marriages where one or more parties struggle with addiction are up to 3 times more likely to end in divorce. If you truly love your spouse and are interested in saving your marriage (or at least giving it one last chance) here are some pieces of advice that might help:
First, you’ll need to become aware of codependence and how to stop it. Codependent behavior occurs in almost all interpersonal relationships where one or more parties are addicted. It’s a behavior seen when the loved one of an addict actually participates in behaviors that enable the addiction to continue. This can be done knowingly or unknowingly.
Know that it is important not to drink in front of your alcoholic husband or wife. It is also important to support your spouse through times of transition. There may be personality changes as you or your loved one go through addiction recovery treatment and start getting off the drugs and alcohol. Marriage counseling with a licensed therapist may be helpful in navigating through this difficult time.
Some general advice to all couples affected by addiction, whether married or otherwise, is that it is important to stop allowing addiction to hide in the unspoken shadows. Talk to your loved one about your concerns. See how you can help your loved one get into addiction recovery treatment (or ask your loved one to help you, if you are the addict).
It is possible for many married couples to heal from addiction together as partners. However, if the marriage is becoming abusive or if one (or both) partners are struggling to move forward from a traumatic event such as infidelity, it might be best to consider whether the marriage can be saved. By working with an addiction recovery program as well as a skilled marriage counselor, you can determine the best options for you.
FULL BODY, SEXUAL, MASSAGE 0
Secrets of Being a Happy Wife 0
Secrets of Being a Happy Wife
By Fawn Weaver
There were a few hundred couples in attendance at a recent marriage retreat, and I gave what I thought to be a transformative talk during a session with the wives. As I concluded and opened the floor for questions, I expected the women to ask me to dive deeper into some of the concepts I'd shared on the power of teaming up with your spouse to create the life of your dreams. Instead, a woman came to the microphone with tears running down her face and clarified that she really loved her husband and he really loved her — but she wasn't sure she would describe herself as happy.
She did her best to compose herself, wiping the tears on her cheeks, and she eventually asked her question: What do you consider to be a happy marriage?
The audience clapped their hands, nodded their heads and burst into "uh-huhs" all around the room.
I walked over to the woman at the mic, gave her a hug, looked her in the eyes and gave a simple response: "A happy marriage is whatever you and your spouse — and you and your spouse alone — consider a happy marriage to be."
Comparison squelches happiness
When wives consider their own happiness, one of their greatest mistakes is to make comparisons to others around them. The apostle Paul warned against this tendency when he wrote in 2 Corinthians 10:12, "When they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding."
Let's quit comparing ourselves with others and agree that a happy wife is a woman who recognizes that a happy marriage is defined by what she and her husband consider a happy marriage to be.
So what makes you happy? What brings a smile to your face and laughter to your heart? Do your husband and your marriage come to mind when I ask you those two questions? If they do, then you, my friend, already know the secrets to being a happy wife.
Marriages worth emulating
Four years ago, I traveled to 12 countries on six continents to interview couples happily married for 25 years or more. I reached out to friends I personally trusted and told them I was on a quest to discover the secrets of a happy marriage. I asked each of them to point me to the couples in their community who have shown an enormous amount of love for each other throughout the years. I wanted the couples to which everyone in their family would point and say they wanted to emulate their marriage.
In North America to South America, Africa, Europe, Asia and Australia, I sat down with couples who were so in love they radiated. When they looked into each other's eyes, after a quarter century together, it was as if it were the first day they fell in love. I recorded every response during each of my interviews. When I returned home, I transcribed each recorded interview onto notepads, highlighting the common words and ideas among the various couples. I quickly discovered that no matter the longitude or latitude of their place of birth, regardless of having come from a loving home or a broken home, whether they were wealthy or poor, the secrets to a happy marriage and the secrets to being a happy wife were the same around the world.
What happiness looks like
After evaluating my international research, I discovered 12 common denominators among each couple, and I've included all of them in my book Happy Wives Club. Chief among the common denominators of a happy marriage was a commitment to creating with one another the life you dream about. I came to understand the importance of teaming up instead of turning against each other in hard times, and the importance of giving your spouse the same love and respect you most desire to receive. But most importantly, I discovered that you can truly live a happy life when you determine what happiness looks and feels like to you and your spouse, and then spend each waking moment creating that life together.
I'm convinced that the greatest marriages are built on teamwork, mutual respect, a healthy dose of admiration, and never-ending portions of love and grace. A happy marriage doesn't mean you have a perfect spouse or a perfect marriage. It simply means you've chosen to look beyond the imperfections in both and that you choose, each and every day, to create a life of happiness with your spouse. The difference between an ordinary marriage and an extraordinary marriage is in giving just a little extra every day — for as long as you both shall live.Fawn Weaver is the USA Today and New York Times best-selling author of Happy Wives Club: One woman's worldwide search for the secrets of a great marriage.